4 – Camping for Instant Coffee

WEBVTT

1

This week on the show, Tog tries to

2

go camping to sort out yet another attempt

3

at artisanal foodstuffs.

4

And as they say on the interwebs, you'll

5

never believe what happens next.

6

You're with Tog Chesterfield here on 101.7

7

FM The Grack.

8

So what is this show or this thing

9

that you're listening to right now?

10

Well, I hit rock bottom and because of

11

that, I'm trying to pick up the pieces

12

and fix up my life.

13

And I'm taking you along as I try

14

new things out and attempt to get off

15

a rock bottom and I don't know, get

16

up off the couch too, I guess.

17

I fuck your with Tog Chesterfield.

18

So welcome to the show.

19

Right now it's 5.04 pm.

20

I'll be with you here for your commute

21

or while you prepare your dinner or awkwardly

22

stand in line at the post office hoping

23

to get your parcel in before the cutoff

24

time because your boss kept you at work

25

a little bit too late.

26

I'm coming into your ears for the evening

27

like a pair of old and comfortable and

28

slightly warm polyurethane earbuds.

29

So this week I'm going to tell you

30

about another one of my attempts to take

31

back my life after hitting rock bottom and

32

sitting while sitting on that couch a little

33

bit too much.

34

It's the same couch that I told you

35

about in a previous show where the one

36

where my old cat Kevin used to whiz

37

on when he was still puttering around this

38

earth.

39

Anyways, this week's story involves trying to go

40

camping and sort out a new idea I

41

had for instant coffee by the campfire.

42

I had this pretty great idea to make

43

an artisanal instant coffee after I won a

44

giant box of instant coffee tins in one

45

of those online sweepstakes I used to enter

46

not long after I just hit rock bottom

47

and I was trying to strike it lucky

48

and get some good food into my kitchen.

49

Anyways, in this contest, the one that I

50

won, I got to select between regular instant

51

coffee or decaf regular or hazelnut or french

52

vanilla.

53

That was it actually.

54

And I thought, wow, is this all instant

55

coffee has to offer?

56

Well, my bulk bins down the street, I

57

checked there too, and they just had the

58

regular flavor, the decaf regular flavor, and they

59

had the hazelnut and french vanilla.

60

And then they had a medium roast of

61

the regular flavor and then they had one

62

with mushrooms in it or something, which I

63

guess was pretty artisanal, but that wasn't a

64

really interesting flavor to me at least.

65

So I thought, where are all the artisanal

66

ones?

67

After I had just tried to get into

68

artisanal vegan jerky and artisanal sourdough before that,

69

maybe try number three would be a charm.

70

Artisanal instant coffee just has a ring to

71

it too.

72

Just there's some kind of ring there to

73

it.

74

And if it works, maybe instant coffee would

75

be my way off a rock bottom and

76

into like a thriving local business here in

77

Grackleton, making instant coffee and neat flavors for

78

my own neighbors.

79

Oh, speaking of Grackleton, we need to take

80

a quick break.

81

But before that quick break, I need to

82

tell you that I actually dyed my hair.

83

I wanted to get all creative and I

84

was standing looking at myself in the mirror.

85

Anyways, if you're listening to me on the

86

radio, you won't be able to see it

87

on the radio, but if you're watching me,

88

you YouTube listeners, you can look at it

89

right now.

90

I hope you like it.

91

And one other thing, if you're watching me

92

on YouTube, you might see that I always

93

wear the same hoodie.

94

And I wanted to tell you why it's

95

always the same.

96

One of you emailed the show about that

97

because I'm always wearing the same sweatshirt and

98

they were like, why do you always wear

99

that same hoodie on your show?

100

Well, that's what they sounded like in my

101

head.

102

And well, that is because I won a

103

big box full of sweatshirts when I was

104

doing one of those online contest sweepstakes.

105

The same one I won the really boring,

106

non-flavored instant coffee and same sweepstakes.

107

But this one was for the sweatsuits.

108

Hello, this is Tog Chesterfield speaking.

109

Oh, hey, Tog.

110

Yeah, thanks for picking up.

111

Oh, no problem.

112

Not many people do that these days, actually

113

pick up the phone and not leave it

114

to go to text or something.

115

Or voicemail, I guess.

116

Anyways, I'm calling you Tog because you won

117

our grand prize, a box of sweatsuits from

118

us in the online contest this week.

119

Oh, I remember that one.

120

Yeah.

121

Yeah.

122

Anyways, so yeah, that's why I'm calling and

123

I'll email you the details of what you

124

won and just get your address.

125

And okay, pretty much just that.

126

I'll get your address, the box that you

127

won.

128

It's all set.

129

I've got it right here by my desk.

130

It's all the sizes and colors we have.

131

So I just need your address.

132

I'll just pop it on there and pop

133

it in the mail.

134

Is there anything else you need like right

135

now for calling me?

136

Oh, no, nothing.

137

I just I just wanted to tell you

138

that I won, you know, voice to voice

139

deliver the news myself that I won.

140

Yeah.

141

Can I give my address right now?

142

Tog, how you doing?

143

Oh, can I give you my address right

144

now?

145

Oh, no, no, no, not right now.

146

Because like if I get it over the

147

phone, I'll probably write it down wrong.

148

And then I have to like type it

149

in from my right wrong writing.

150

And it's gonna send you anyway.

151

So I just like to yes, send you

152

an email and just pop an email back

153

to me with your address.

154

And I'll copy and paste it right into

155

my, my application that I have.

156

Oh, okay.

157

We'll just ship right the box.

158

They'll print it out.

159

And then I'll get it.

160

Yeah, I understand it out to you.

161

So okay.

162

Are you doing anything cool this weekend?

163

I really I should be going now.

164

I really gotta go.

165

Oh, okay.

166

Yeah.

167

Yeah, I have you know what I am

168

taking my dog out for agility this weekend.

169

I absolutely Oh, like loves I've been in

170

flyball for a while.

171

So I just like why don't I try

172

agility?

173

I mean, he's so good at that.

174

And I really should go now.

175

Yeah, no, no, no.

176

So I'll get this.

177

I'll get the I'm gonna send you an

178

email.

179

I'll send you an email.

180

Yeah.

181

Later today.

182

And then you just send me back that

183

address.

184

And, and then I just, I got it

185

into my software.

186

I heard you the first time I heard

187

you the first time and entered into the

188

software and then I printed out on my

189

labeler and then I'm just gonna slap it

190

on there and I'll get this out to

191

you.

192

I got it.

193

Right.

194

Those sweatshirts they came at a really good

195

time because the laundromat the same the one

196

that I told you about in my first

197

show as one that I go to called

198

sheet happens.

199

I was using their no name detergent that

200

they sold at that place in one of

201

those 10 things on the wall, you know,

202

the one that you just, you like put

203

in your coins and then you pull a

204

handle with that toggle and then it pops

205

out a little box.

206

And so anyways, I use that all the

207

time because I liked the smell of it,

208

but it actually ended up disintegrating most of

209

my wardrobe.

210

It just, everything ended up falling apart.

211

So it's these hoodies are nothing YouTube.

212

Anyway, now let's take a quick break and

213

we'll get onto what happened on that big

214

old camping trip I went on.

215

You're listening to Tog Chesterfield on 101.7

216

The Grack and this is Un-Fuck Your

217

Life with Tog Chesterfield.

218

Un-Fuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield.

219

Back to the show.

220

So camping and instant coffee.

221

So I had the idea, this idea after

222

winning that boring old, plain old instant coffee

223

sweepstakes.

224

All I could get from my winnings was

225

a boring old flavor and that's all I

226

could get at bulk bins too.

227

So I thought, why don't I make some

228

artisanal flavors?

229

So I had a few flavor ideas and

230

I thought, what better way to test them

231

out than to simulate an ideal scenario for

232

imbibing instant coffee?

233

And that turned out to be camping, I

234

found out.

235

And I'm, I'm not a camper.

236

I know I might sound like a camper

237

here, but I maybe look like a camper

238

if you're watching me on YouTube.

239

But I'm not a camper.

240

It's surprising maybe to some of you, but

241

I do have a van and I have

242

an inflatable mattress that I could just toss

243

in the back.

244

But I sold my Ford Transit Connect, my

245

van to a person who was at the

246

East Grackleton Super Appreciation Group after they saw

247

it at the picnic, I presented my apology

248

letter that you might've heard in another show.

249

I got a less expensive van after that

250

to replace it.

251

So I got a much older van, an

252

older new van, new to me, but an

253

old van and I could camp in that.

254

And it already even had a few camping

255

accessories in the back.

256

Uh, and I used the leftover cash that

257

I saved, uh, to start my own new

258

camp flavored instant coffee on the empire.

259

I hoped that it would be an empire.

260

So most people in Grackleton, they camp near

261

the lake, Lake Corncrop.

262

It has some fire pits, it's public toilets,

263

it's dog friendly.

264

And people say the wind there usually keeps

265

the mosquitoes away.

266

We have a lot of mosquitoes around Grackleton.

267

So as all of you probably know, it's,

268

it's very popular at Lake Corncrop.

269

Uh, even though there's, there's so much mud.

270

What's with the mud you guys?

271

There's, it's like, it's a lot of, it's

272

way more mud than you think of even

273

being a lake.

274

I had managed to add the flavors to

275

my instant coffee, the trial batches, and all

276

of them I thought tasted okay.

277

When I tested them out in the kitchen

278

with a proper mug, uh, all I had

279

to do is throw a few things in

280

the back of my old new old camping

281

van that is new to me, but it

282

was an old camping van and pack up

283

a few suitable mugs for the instant coffee

284

and my new coffee blends to test on

285

the road.

286

Well, while I was camping, not while I

287

was driving, I was going with the roommate

288

that the same one you met in the

289

last show that I had, Joe Roost.

290

Joe actually had the idea to do the

291

trip in the first place because I'd never

292

camped before.

293

I never even thought of going camping.

294

Yeah, Joe.

295

Well, I think it, I think it actually

296

turned out not too bad.

297

This, uh, this is my first batch.

298

Yeah.

299

You know, the only place that I like

300

to use instant coffee is while I'm camping.

301

You should, you should, you should really test

302

them when you're out at the lake or

303

in the woods or something.

304

I swear to God, coffee actually tastes different.

305

Uh, because yeah, no, it tastes different.

306

It's something, uh, especially if it's artisanal coffee,

307

because you have to get, you know, the

308

flavor of these coffees, the flavored coffees, it

309

like combines with, I don't know if it's

310

the trees or the lake, or if you're

311

by an ocean, probably definitely the salt from

312

an ocean.

313

Well, like I swear to God, yeah, it

314

always, it, it like combines in your mouth

315

and it just, it tastes different.

316

I swear to God, it tastes different.

317

Really?

318

What?

319

Yeah.

320

Yeah.

321

Well, if you're doing flavors, you know, you

322

have to, you have to do that because

323

the other thing is, is if you're going

324

out to the lake or camping or, I

325

don't know, it's like an earthquake or something,

326

you have to, uh, test it with, against

327

that stuff because that's what, when your customers,

328

your, your main customers are all going to

329

be doing those things.

330

Right.

331

If they're drinking instant coffee, because you only

332

drink instant coffee, like the instant stuff, the

333

stuff when you just have hot water, you're

334

never doing it at home or anything like

335

that.

336

I wouldn't think you'd be anyways.

337

You have to do it while you're camping

338

because it tastes different.

339

If you're doing the artisanal flavors, you have

340

to be, you know, sitting in the chair

341

or wearing the shoes of your, of your

342

customers and stuff like that.

343

Oh, uh, can we circle back maybe to

344

that earthquake thing?

345

Like I don't understand.

346

Yeah, no, you have to do that.

347

You know, my dog, James, when he gets

348

a new...

349

So Joe is coming out to camp with

350

us and Joe is bringing James, their dog,

351

along too.

352

Since Lake Corncrop, like I said, was dog

353

friendly and you should generally camp with a

354

dog anyways, I think.

355

This might be a mildly hot take to

356

you out there, Grackletonians, but I'm going to

357

stand by it.

358

I packed up all my sample flavors and

359

we set out to the lake in my

360

new old van and found a pretty good

361

spot.

362

And I got all set up for the

363

evening after a long walk with Joe and

364

James, the dog.

365

As soon as I got out the first

366

sample, my mango banana instant coffee, the mosquitoes,

367

they swarmed us from every direction too.

368

Suddenly Joe and I and James, the dog,

369

we are surrounded by a whole flurry of

370

mosquitoes.

371

Joe and I tested the mango banana really

372

quickly and then we dumped the the coffee.

373

It was terrible.

374

And not the experiences with the mosquitoes are

375

terrible as well, but that wasn't why we

376

dumped the rest.

377

The taste profile of the mango banana flavor

378

was quite egregious in nature.

379

But I still have two more flavors at

380

this point.

381

My most artisanal ones as well.

382

Sourdough yogurt instant coffee and what I figured

383

would be my signature flavor, Limburger cheese instant

384

coffee.

385

It was, I looked it up and that's

386

considered very artisanal as a flavor, not as

387

an instant coffee.

388

I'd be blazing new trails with it as

389

an instant coffee.

390

And the same thing happened again.

391

We were surrounded by mosquitoes who actually went

392

on the attack that time.

393

Our mind review, it was a displeasing to

394

vomitous taste profile.

395

Joe actually rated it zero out of 10

396

on a scale that regrettably started at one.

397

I mean, it might be okay.

398

Yeah, this isn't good.

399

Oh, um, I yeah, I'm sorry to tell

400

you like, I think even James probably if

401

James was drinking coffee, James was a dog

402

like this dog is a dog though.

403

Maybe it's the mug.

404

I think the mug is wrong.

405

No, no, I don't think it's the texture

406

of the mug.

407

I think probably probably anybody's not really gonna

408

like the taste of this coffee.

409

But I mean, you need to have the

410

right mug this this texture like you see

411

the texture just isn't right for drinking coffee.

412

It's it's in the wrong mug.

413

Yeah, no, this is a coffee.

414

This is a camping coffee.

415

But it's it's a new thing.

416

It's art.

417

It's artisan.

418

No, this is no, this is just this

419

is just bad.

420

The next morning as we set off, all

421

of my sample instant coffee turned into a

422

brick with the moisture that tested the limits

423

of my packaging.

424

The water got in and then it was

425

just like one great big cube of instant

426

coffee.

427

So Joe and I set off back to

428

our place.

429

And Joe took off not long after that.

430

It wasn't my potatoes this time or the

431

potato incident after I told Joe what happened.

432

And it wasn't related to the coffee either.

433

Joe just decided to go on a camping

434

trip across North America with James the dog.

435

And I didn't see them again.

436

Except on Instagram.

437

I saw them on Instagram, of course.

438

But now Aaron Vandelbrush has moved in, which

439

is really exciting.

440

Oh, right.

441

Speaking of exciting, it's time for the weather.

442

I'm almost getting the hang of this.

443

Tonight's weather for your drive at five with

444

Unbuck Your Life is brought to you by

445

the West Grackleton Patio Recreation Alliance.

446

The West Grackleton Patio Recreation Alliance puts ideas

447

in your noggin.

448

Get ready for the weather.

449

The weather for this evening is going to

450

be a blustery mess with wind coming from

451

the south, the north and the east simultaneously.

452

So if you are in central Grackleton, be

453

sure to batten down the hatches.

454

You just learned all about the weather.

455

And that's it for the weather on your

456

drive at five from West Grackleton Patio Recreation

457

Alliance.

458

We put the pat in patio.

459

Unbuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.

460

It turned out after I looked into it

461

upon returning to the townhouse, the instant coffee

462

was actually attracting the mosquitoes.

463

They were attracted to the flavors that I

464

selected.

465

Joe was right.

466

Mosquitoes aside and mugs aside, the coffee on

467

its own was or to quote Joe vulgar

468

and contemptible.

469

That's what Joe said.

470

Though I really do think that the texture

471

of the mug really affects what you drink

472

out of it.

473

Like how good it tastes.

474

It's, it's, it's a texture thing.

475

I swear to God is the texture thing,

476

but, but the coffee, the coffee and the

477

mugs, none of that was really the problem

478

or the fix when it comes to un

479

-fucking my life.

480

I've been setting up a whole lot of

481

goals for myself lately.

482

I was trying to make up whole businesses

483

from scratch and fix my happiness and add

484

creativity to my life and make new friends

485

and learn new skills.

486

I didn't know how to do any of

487

these things that I was trying.

488

I should just be trying to get off

489

the couch and pick one thing to fix

490

before moving on and not fix everything at

491

once.

492

Because I think when we try to achieve

493

all of the goals and fix all of

494

the things all at once, especially when you're

495

trying to get off a rock bottom or

496

get out of depression, it makes it much

497

harder to fix anything at all.

498

You're just trying to get your life back

499

and maybe find a bit of purpose or

500

something.

501

Because of that, I'm going to try to

502

just get one thing right and feel good

503

from that one thing.

504

And then I'll try the next thing.

505

Hi, excuse me.

506

Oh, hi.

507

Hi.

508

Hi there.

509

Yes.

510

What's up?

511

Thank you very much.

512

Okay.

513

I also want to thank you cordially for

514

the thank you note that you put in

515

the room that I will be staying in.

516

I just want to thank you for the

517

thank you note.

518

That's just how I...

519

Erin Bandlebrush, by the way.

520

Oh, I remember.

521

Yeah, I know you.

522

So I have a quick, expedious query for

523

you at the present moment.

524

I hope you don't mind that I am

525

interfering in your activities.

526

No, that's fine.

527

That's fine.

528

It happens.

529

Good, good, good.

530

All right.

531

So the query is regarding the refrigerator unit

532

that is in the kitchen.

533

Right.

534

Yes, where fridges go.

535

I'm about to place my food items, my

536

foodstuffs into said refrigerator.

537

I'm wondering if you would like me to

538

place those items in the upper region of

539

the refrigerator, the upper 50%.

540

You said half.

541

Yeah, I did.

542

Yeah, half.

543

You can have the upper half.

544

That's totally fine, right?

545

Excellent.

546

Excellent.

547

I'm just curious about the potatoes.

548

I was just wondering if you would like

549

me to wash the potatoes, those fine looking

550

tubers in that refrigerator unit.

551

Yeah, they're very fine, but don't touch them,

552

please.

553

Okay?

554

Fair enough.

555

Fair enough.

556

I'm sorry that I was involved in such

557

an incident.

558

Oh, one quick query, an additional one.

559

I am sorry that I didn't present you

560

with the fact that I would be asking

561

multiple questions.

562

Okay.

563

Yeah, you said it would be expedient.

564

I was wondering, there seems to be some

565

coffee on the counter that has gone bad.

566

I wasn't aware.

567

No, it's not.

568

Would you like me to put that into

569

the refrigerator?

570

Okay.

571

Okay.

572

Fine.

573

Okay.

574

So that's it for this week's episode of

575

the show.

576

This is 101.7 FM The Grant.

577

Stay tuned for Buttertub's bake sale breakdown at

578

six about which desserts to make, which desserts

579

to avoid, or which desserts to fight over

580

at the next fundraiser.

581

I heard things get really heated between the

582

bakers over Nanaimo bars.

583

I think Nanaimo bars are actually not even

584

baked, are they?

585

You have been listening to Unfuck Your Life

586

with Tog Chesterfield, a Stereo Forest production.

587

This episode was written, directed, edited, produced, and

588

all voices were by Jen DeHaan.

589

You can find all show notes and sign

590

up to get notified about new episodes on

591

stereoforest.com