8 – The Grackleton Gazette’s first interview (ft. Pastel Pumpernickel)

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This week on the show, TOG does their

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first interview for the Grackleton Gazette, a conversation

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with Pastel Pumpernickel.

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You're with TOG Chesterfield here on 101.7

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FM The Grack.

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I'm trying to pick up the pieces and

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fix up my life after I hit rock

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bottom, and I'm taking you along as I

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try new things and attempt to embrace life.

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Welcome to the show.

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Right now it's 5.02 PM.

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I'll be with you here for your commute,

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or while you prepare dinner, or while you

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attempt to make that picture on the wall

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across from your recliner exactly perpendicular with the

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floor.

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I'm your uninvited guest for the evening, or

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I mean invited if you chose to dial

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into this FM station, I suppose.

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Tonight I get to share one of my

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very first interviews for the Grackleton Gazette.

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You might remember Pastel Pumpernickel.

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She was in one of my very first

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shows here on the station.

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I took a class from Pastel to learn

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how to make sourdough and sourdough starters.

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Anyway, Pastel met me at a coffee shop

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here in Grackleton where she works.

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She works there baking all of their bread

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and pastries for them, and we met really

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early in the morning before they got busy,

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and she let me share our interview here

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on the show.

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I wanted to share this interview because it

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has to do with unfucking her life, just

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like I'm trying to do right now with

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mine.

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Oh, speaking of Pastel, Baxter Clutch had to

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move out because Baxter's mom needed them to

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move in because of a sock situation.

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So now Keith Evergreen is moving into my

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place, who is Eaton Evergreen's brother, and Eaton

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made a surprise appearance on the same show

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where you met Pastel.

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Grackleton is pretty small, isn't it, you guys?

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This is Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield

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on 101.7 FM, The Grack.

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We'll be back after a quick break with

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my interview with Pastel Pumpernickel.

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Unfuck your life with Todd Chesterfield.

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Back to the show.

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Pastel and I have some stuff in common.

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We both lost things that were really important

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to us.

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I lost my job at Apocalypse.cloud, and

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Pastel lost a major opportunity too.

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She pitched a bakery segment to the Grack

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Public Access Station.

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Here's my interview with Pastel, which I recorded

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over the weekend at a brand new coffeehouse

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downtown called The Nested Bean Where Pastel Works.

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Thank you for joining me here, Pastel.

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So can you tell us what happened at

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the pitch?

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Well, Tog, I mean, that's sort of the

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million-dollar question, if you will.

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I mean, it was my pitch was literally

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a million dollars.

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I mean, for multiple episodes, though, for multiple

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segments.

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But yeah, so I had this idea where

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I wanted to have some drones come in,

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and that was because I was pitching them

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an outdoor kitchen where I would bake my

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breads and my sourdoughs.

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And it was going to be outdoors, so

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we had to accommodate for the weather.

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And I had this fantastic idea of having

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a drone come in.

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It was going to be flying in and

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then over the wood fire stove, and it

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was going to be fantastic.

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But they said no.

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Oh, they didn't like the idea?

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Well, they said your pitch is a million

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dollars, and we have no budget.

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Oh, that makes sense, I guess.

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Well, I asked them what they were going

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to pay me with, but they said, well,

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this is public access, so you're here at

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will.

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I mean, they also told me I could

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use my own million dollars, but then I

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told them, well, I don't have a million

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dollars.

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And they said, well, neither do we.

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And so it ended up being a no.

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Oh, well, that's too bad.

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I mean, come to think of it, it

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might be a little bit like what happened

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with your potato thing, Tog.

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No, it's nothing like the incident.

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Oh, okay.

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And that's what led to your depression, the

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TV pitch?

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Yes.

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Okay, so what was the depression like?

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Well, Tog, I think it was pretty much

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like any other depressions.

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I mean, I don't think I was really

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special in the depression department or anything like

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that.

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I mean, I think most people have difficulty

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in the mornings, and that's where I really

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noticed it, because I'm a morning person.

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I mean, look at me here, first thing

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in the morning, up with the birds, baking

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all these pastries and this bread.

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I mean, look at this sourdough right here,

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Tog.

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Oh, it's gorgeous.

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I just lost everything.

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I used to do this full continental breakfast.

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It had the beans and the sausages.

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You like a good bean, don't you, Tog?

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I know you're into the potatoes.

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Oh, I like beans too.

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I sometimes did a hash brown that you

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would probably like, Tog.

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Oh, yeah?

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Oh, it was just fabulous.

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And I would do some of my sourdough,

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of course, on the side.

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Of course.

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Sop up all that food.

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It was wonderful.

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Oh, it sounds lovely, Pastel.

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Yeah, I just didn't do any of that.

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Oh, of course.

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Yeah, that's understandable.

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Well, it took every morning.

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It just took hours to complete anything.

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I mean, Tog, sometimes I wouldn't even brush

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my teeth.

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I can't believe that I'm admitting that here.

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Oh, well, I didn't either, so we'll both

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admit it.

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Well, I also had, you know, this distinct

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inability, I suppose, to just make basic decisions.

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I mean, I couldn't decide what to eat.

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I mean, I wouldn't be able to decide

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between a bowl of cornflakes versus my continental

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breakfast.

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I mean, I couldn't decide what to wear.

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Tog, I mean, I wore a smock all

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the week long.

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The same smock.

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And I would wear it to bed too.

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Oh, I get that.

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I didn't change my clothes for long periods

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of time.

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I mean, I wore the same sweater yesterday.

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And I, you know, Tog, I mostly gave

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up, you know, most of my hobbies.

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I loved the baking and I didn't do

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the baking even.

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I loved to go out in the garden.

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I didn't do any of those things.

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Oh, yeah, I love gardening as well.

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I have a scarecrow.

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The clutter and the dishes and everything would

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pile up.

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But, you know, I am going to admit

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it here.

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I mean, I am here for an interview

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and I should be honest.

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I mean, for me, it just, the thing

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that just bothered me the most, and I

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don't really know why, but it was, it

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really affected how I did the onions.

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The onions?

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Yes, the onions.

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Well, do explain if you can.

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Well, it was how I chopped the onions.

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I have, I guess I'll have to explain

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this, Tog.

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Okay, yeah.

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See, the onions, I had a very particular

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way that I would chop the onions, Tog.

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Right.

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I would take the onions and I would

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chop them in a very exacting way that

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actually corresponded with the layer that the onion,

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well, like the thickness of the active onion

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layer.

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So I would chop in such a way

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where regardless of what layer was in question,

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every single piece would basically be exactly the

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same.

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Can't you do that with like one of

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those little choppers that have the squares?

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Well, see, here's the thing, Tog.

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I believe that if you use one of

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those onion choppers, that's, it's akin to cheating.

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Oh, I see.

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I mean, not like cheating with a part,

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you know, cheating against your part, cheating, cheating

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on your partner.

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It's like cheating on your onion.

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And Tog, see, I take it very seriously.

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I tend to, a lot of my self

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-worth is wrapped up in how I prepare

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my onions.

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And you see, my depression affected that.

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Oh, how you did it.

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It was very important to me.

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So I, you know, I just, I ended

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up, I noticed I was doing a rough

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chop.

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Right, oh.

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Yeah, like a rustic chop, a really rough

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and rustic chop.

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And that wasn't who I was.

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I noticed it with the onions and that

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just, it was something that I just took

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as just a definitive sign that I was

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definitely in a depression if I was producing

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onions, even just for the household in that

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manner.

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Just such a rustic rough chop meant that

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I was definitely in depression.

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Right, okay.

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But what did it feel like, your depression,

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when you noticed you're in it?

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Oh, what a good question, Tog.

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Oh, thank you.

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I knew it, this.

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Well, you see, it's like, I mean, a

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lot of people say getting out of depression

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is like climbing up a mountain.

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And I mean, I could say that I

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was in a valley, but I think probably

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a little bit more accurate is like I

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was living underwater and everything slows down and

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everything is kind of muffled and the surface

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just seems so far away.

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But I think maybe it's a little bit

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more like you're a guppy.

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Like a fish?

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Yes, Tog, a guppy, you know, those small

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fish, the little ones.

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You see, Tog, guppies, I think, I'm not

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a guppy expert by any means, Tog, but

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a guppy has a very particular spot that

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they would need to live, you know.

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In order to thrive, if you will.

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See, I was like a guppy that was

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in, you know, too deep of the water

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or just in some place that the guppy

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wasn't supposed to be.

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Right, dangerous to the guppy.

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And you see, I knew that I had

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to get to another place in the water,

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but I just couldn't.

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Right.

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I think I get it, Pastel.

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And what happened next?

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When did things start turning around for you?

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Well, you see, that's the funny thing, Tog,

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is just when I was in the depression

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itself, I really felt, you know, that I

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couldn't get to that other place because I

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was this guppy in this deep, weird part

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of the ocean I wasn't supposed to be

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in, you know.

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Right.

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So what happened was my partner, Puck, they

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were injured and they really needed my help.

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And it was really quite simple what they

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needed, but I was shocked that I was

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able to provide that.

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It was just, it was the strangest thing.

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I mean, by all intents and purposes, I

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shouldn't have been able to help at all.

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I couldn't even decide what to wear, Tog.

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I was wearing my smock all week long,

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but suddenly I just leapt into action.

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I had this feeling of terror, Tog.

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And that feeling of terror just seemed to

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give me great clarity.

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It was so strange, Tog.

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I mean, the fog it lifted, it was

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like I was lifted to the right part

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of the ocean for my guppy self.

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It was only because it was like a

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five alarm fire in my bakery.

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It was like it was in the kitchen

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and blaring and I had to get my

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prized loaf out of the kitchen before it

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burned.

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I mean, Tog, I don't want to make

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it seem like my partner, Puck, is like

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a loaf of bread.

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I mean, a loaf of bread is one

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of my favorite things and Puck is also

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one of my favorite things.

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So I guess comparing my partner, Puck, to

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a loaf of bread isn't really a bad

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thing, but I guess it probably sounds pretty

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weird to most people.

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But anyways, it was like the fire was

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in the kitchen and I had to get

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the loaf out.

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I mean, Tog, I had this fear, this

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terror, if you will, that if I didn't

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do the right things, that my partner would

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never get better and without my support, maybe

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they would leave or maybe the whole house

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would collapse or something awful would happen.

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So whatever that was, it just suddenly made

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me not really in the depression anymore.

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So what did you do then when you

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realized you could do things again?

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Oh, well, that's a good question, Tog.

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Thank you.

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I'm new at this.

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I found myself just kind of able to

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do all these things that were entirely impossible

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before.

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I was able to organize some of the

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appointments that we needed to go to and

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I was able to keep the house functional

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too and I was able to actually cook

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again.

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I was making my continental breakfast and all

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these nutritious meals as well.

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I mean, I made this meal, Tog.

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It was just fantastic.

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Oh, you would like it, Tog.

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It was actually potato gnocchis.

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I took the potato gnocchis and I just

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fried them in butter.

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Oh, it was so good.

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And I fried them in the butter and

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then I went and I roasted them in

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a wood burning stove that I have.

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I have it off my back deck.

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I guess I could have filmed the show

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there on my back deck.

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Oh, anyways.

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See, I roasted them in my wood stove

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and then I just threw some arugula on

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top and a little bit of balsamic vinegar.

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Oh, oh, it was so good.

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Oh, and then I took...

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Oh, Tog, you'll like this because it's potato

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gnocchis.

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And then I took some of the red

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pepper flakes.

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You know what I call them, Tog?

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RPFs?

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You'll never guess.

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RPFs.

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Oh, you were right.

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Yes, I do call them RPFs.

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You call them RPFs too, Tog?

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I do, Pasta.

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Oh, see, we're connecting over RPFs.

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Who would have thought?

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Anyways, yes, it was just a fantastic meal.

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So why do you think you could suddenly

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do all those things?

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Well, I think it was the fear, you

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know.

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It was a non-paralyzing fear.

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I mean, usually we get fear, we're paralyzed.

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But this was like fear that was motivating.

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Like I was motivated by the fear.

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It like booted my behind into action.

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And it was like stronger than the depression,

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I suppose.

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But what I figured at the time, Tog,

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and I mean, this is where it gets

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kind of real, is I felt that that

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wouldn't last forever.

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And then I kind of got fearful of

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that.

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Like, when is this going to be over?

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You know, when is this not going to

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work anymore?

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So it kind of helped me a little,

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to be honest.

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But I knew it wasn't going to necessarily

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be reliable, you know.

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At least that's what I reckoned.

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So I used it as my opportunity to

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have enough energy to get myself out of

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that ocean as the guppy, you know, to

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kind of flop my way up to the

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right part of the ocean.

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And then I could, from there, kind of

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fix myself, if you will.

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Do you understand what I mean, Tog?

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Yeah, I do.

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I do understand, Pastel.

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But do you, though?

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I think I do.

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You think you do?

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Yes.

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Oh, that's good.

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Anyways, I just didn't know if I made

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sense.

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Oh, I think you make sense.

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So how are you like digging yourself out

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and protecting yourself from falling into the ocean

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again?

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Well, Tog, now I have my routines.

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And I mean, now I'm working here as

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well, which really helps.

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But I also have routines, even when I'm

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working, that I, you know, the ones that

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I make myself.

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So here, let me show you.

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This is my book.

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Oh, that's nice.

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Can you see?

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Yeah, it's got a grid.

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So I have my full schedule on here.

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And actually, it shows me that I have

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to leave this conversation at 7.32. Oh,

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that's coming up close for us.

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Well, yes, we are, actually.

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And I also, I watch for the warning

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signs of executive dysfunction.

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And what's that?

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Well, the onions, of course.

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Oh, of course.

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Rustic chop.

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And it's time for the weather.

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Tonight's weather for your drive at five with

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Un-Fuck Your Life is brought to you

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by the nested bean on 10th and Stern

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Street, where the beans are roasted darker than

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Grackleton's secrets.

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Oh, saucy.

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Night, Grackleton is expecting about three water millimeters

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of rain north of 10th Street, but significantly

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less than elsewhere.

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You just learned all about the weather.

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And that's it for the weather on your

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drive at five from the nested bean.

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The nested bean.

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Our coffee is like Grackleton weather, surprisingly intense

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and oddly satisfying.

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Oh, well, that's saucy.

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Un-Fuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.

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So my interview with Pastel revealed a lot

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about her experience looking after her partner, Puck,

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but also about her own mind.

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I had no idea Pastel had been through

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so much when I was taking her class.

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That's the wild thing, listener.

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You never really know, do you?

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But Pastel taught me something about getting motivated

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to change yourself.

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Sometimes it might be because of your fear,

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a fear of something being worse than if

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you don't act right away.

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And I realized that maybe I've been doing

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all these things, all these businesses and adventures

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that I've told you about, because I'm fearful

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of being a permanent disappointment to people like

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after losing my job or becoming irrelevant in

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the community in Grackleton because I no longer

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go to a workplace.

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Or what if I never find meaning again

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in the things that I do?

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But if I just use those things to

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push me to un-fuck my life, I

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don't think that it will last a long

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time.

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Just like Pastel said.

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Like her, I need to find some kind

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of intrinsic motivation based on the things that

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Todd values, on the things that I want,

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not just try to escape from the things

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I fear and...

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Hey, Todd there, buddy.

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I am really, really sorry for bugging you

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here, but I have a really, really, really,

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really quick question for you, man.

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Okay.

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So I was looking at the situation down

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in the kitchen and I just wanted to

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see if it was okay.

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I got your note there about using half

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your fridge, but I'm like, I don't need

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to use half your fridge.

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I could actually just use my own if

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that's okay with you.

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Oh, you brought your own fridge along?

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Yeah, I usually roll with my own fridge

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when I move into places.

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I bring my own fridge and I like

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put it next to the fridge that's in

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the place that I'm coming into.

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Like I was wondering if you're okay with

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that.

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Yeah, I suppose.

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I guess that's okay.

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Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can make a

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fit.

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I got a crowbar in my car.

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I could just, I just usually winch it

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in a little, just a little bit of

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a winch.

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Oh, a winch with a crowbar.

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I'll see, I'll see if it works.

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Are you okay with me seeing if that

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works?

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Yeah, go look.

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Awesome.

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Okay.

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I'll just close the door here for you

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there, buddy.

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Okay.

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So that's it for this week's episode of

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the show here on 101.7 FM The

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Grack.

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Stay tuned for mailbox decor, jazzing up your

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mailbox with Marianne Foote, but with an intentional

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emission of bedazzling.

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What the?

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You have been listening to Un-Fuck Your

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Life with Tog Chesterfield, a Stereo Forest production.

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This episode was written, directed, edited, produced, and

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all voices were by Jen DeHaan.

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You can find all show notes and sign

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up to get notified about new episodes on

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StereoForest.com.