11 – Young Tog

WEBVTT

1

This week on the show,

2

Tog and Parker Spoon discover a box filled with Tog's past.

3

Tog learns why the potato incident and leaving

4

Apocalypse.Cloud directly led to their rock bottom.

5

You're with Tog Chesterfield here on 101.7 FM The Grack.

6

I'm trying to pick up the pieces and fix up

7

my life after I hit rock bottom.

8

And I'm taking you along as I try new things

9

to try to figure out my life.

10

I fuck your life with Tog Chesterfield.

11

Welcome to the show.

12

Right now it's 5 p.m. and 30 seconds.

13

I'll be with you here for your commute

14

or while you prepare your dinner or while you figure out

15

how to assemble your new dining room chair set.

16

I'm your uninvited guest for the evening.

17

I guess invited if you chose to listen to the show

18

and it didn't find you randomly.

19

Tonight you'll join me as I go through a box

20

that turns out to be a bit of a memory lane.

21

And I'm not talking about the clothes shop

22

selling jaunty midlife frocks

23

on Speckle Street in East Grack.

24

So last episode you heard all about

25

the feedback I received from the first hard copy edition

26

of the Grackleton Gazette.

27

I took it so personally until I learned

28

how to categorize the feedback into what was useful

29

and what I could toss out and disregard.

30

I learned how to not take things personally

31

and how to not identify myself as the Gazette.

32

And I could tell that some of you heard that show

33

because many of you started making suggestions

34

in your feedback about how I could file it.

35

Helpful or attack or irrelevant take or subjective taste.

36

Please, spicy gherkins on page three

37

of your Grackleton Gazette.

38

The spicy foods, they really give me the indigestion.

39

It's awful.

40

I think you can add this to your,

41

your feedbacks are all of a take category, I think.

42

Anyways, see you, talk.

43

And listener, I had to do that about my own life too.

44

I should explain.

45

My newest roommate, Parker Spoon,

46

helped me clean out my hallway closet

47

because he's going to use it for his cat's supplies.

48

Parker's cat's name is Scott.

49

I really like that name.

50

And I like Scott because Scott reminds me of Kevin.

51

Scott's a really nice cat.

52

We found a box in the hallway closet

53

that I had forgotten all about.

54

I moved it from my last place in Outer Grack

55

and stuck it in the hallway closet right away, I guess.

56

I had a bunch of essays from university

57

and some art projects from high school,

58

some cassette tapes from middle school,

59

and luckily I had my old tape deck in there too.

60

Welcome back to the Grack Middle Radio Hour.

61

It's time for our newest segment, One Punch or Two.

62

Our best guess at whether a side dish in the cafeteria

63

will cost one or two punches on our punch card.

64

Okay, let's start with a side of pepper gravy.

65

Brenda Voss, what do you think?

66

Okay.

67

Okay.

68

Okay.

69

Okay.

70

Okay.

71

Okay.

72

Okay.

73

Okay.

74

Okay.

75

Okay.

76

Okay.

77

Okay.

78

That one never got on the air,

79

so I guess I don't know what counts.

80

Oh, and Brenda Blouse is writing a regular column

81

for the Grackleton Gazette now

82

on her independent crime sleuthing.

83

I think you'll really like it, listener.

84

Anyway, I found my university application essay too,

85

where I wrote about my idea for a new space in Grackleton.

86

Okay, let's see.

87

I really want to open up a new space in Grackleton West.

88

For the community.

89

Where people can share their own stories

90

of themselves and this town.

91

Not like a standup comedy club,

92

and not an art gallery,

93

but something in between those two things.

94

And there would be a mashed potato bar

95

with at least seven different types of pepper gravy.

96

Brenda, Brenda Blouse, what do you think?

97

Food brings people together.

98

I found some letters I wrote

99

as part of a creative writing project

100

in a club I was in during high school too.

101

They were letters to myself.

102

I'll read you one.

103

This one right here.

104

Dear Todd, hi.

105

Remember that in order to like yourself,

106

you need to like your life

107

and the things that you do.

108

And if you like your life

109

because you value the way you spend your time,

110

other people can't take that away from you.

111

From Todd Chesterfield, grade 10.

112

So why did I start filing helpful or a tat,

113

irrelevant take or subjective taste for my own life?

114

And does it involve potatoes?

115

We'll be right back after a quick break,

116

and I'll tell you then.

117

This is Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.

118

Unfuck your life with Todd Chesterfield.

119

Back to the show.

120

So when I was at apocalypse.cloud,

121

I was so excited to take on the social media efforts

122

because I thought, well, it's social.

123

I'll be able to connect

124

with the apocalypse.cloud community

125

and maybe help some people in some way,

126

even if it's just about the work

127

that they have to do.

128

So I plan to make new friends

129

with all the very smart people who work there,

130

who all seemed kind of like me.

131

And then we ate together,

132

and some of us went to the fitness center classes together,

133

and we shared ideas and stories over coffee on breaks.

134

And I thought I did make friends.

135

At least it felt that way.

136

It really did.

137

We were doing all these things outside of work.

138

And they talk about work friends and real friends,

139

but I really thought they were both because of that.

140

I did stuff with some of their families.

141

I went to their Thanksgiving dinners.

142

But when I called after the potato incident and my layoff,

143

most people, they didn't even call or text back.

144

And the ones who did were too busy

145

for lunch or dinner or class or anything.

146

I even, I ran into one of my old teammates

147

at the farmer's market with my vegan jerky.

148

Yeah, so I just started selling this vegan jerky.

149

Oh, cool.

150

So what do you like do now?

151

Well, this.

152

No, like what do you really do though?

153

Like for work?

154

This.

155

Oh.

156

And all of this, listener, it's okay.

157

I mean, this is life.

158

Maybe some of you are even listening to this

159

who used to work with me and I'm okay with it.

160

Transactional friendships are, they're pretty common

161

and many people are okay with them.

162

Many people don't even realize that they're in them,

163

even when they're over.

164

But it simply wasn't really how I wanted to spend my life.

165

My life.

166

And that's okay too.

167

I didn't want to need to be useful to people anymore

168

or be able to do something for them

169

to have them stick around.

170

I kind of wanted them to be there

171

because they want to tog the person in their life

172

and not see how useful I am

173

or have to guess if I'm not useful to them anymore.

174

I just wanted both of us to feel the same way,

175

to want the person,

176

no matter what we really give each other

177

other than friendship.

178

And I noticed that after I had to end some of my businesses,

179

like the vegan jerky one,

180

those new friends were calling back.

181

Dan from Bulk Bins and I do live action role play together

182

on Saturday mornings at Thick Raven Beak Park.

183

But the box Parker and I found in the closet,

184

the young tog box,

185

that reminded me that I had priorities like this

186

when I was young.

187

Definitions of success.

188

Before I got to apocalypse.cloud,

189

this box was reminding me of them,

190

it was teaching me about myself.

191

And it taught me that while I was working

192

at apocalypse.cloud,

193

all of my definitions had changed.

194

I want to make sure that even if the work I end up doing

195

is hard or stressful,

196

or maybe I don't like it all the time,

197

or it barely pays the bills,

198

I want to make sure that that work matters to me.

199

I think that a big part of what makes us happy as humans

200

is that.

201

And that kind of happy can't be taken away.

202

No matter what anyone does,

203

no matter what anyone says,

204

no matter what happens,

205

even if they don't like the mashed potato bar,

206

the flavors of gravy that day.

207

So when the potato incident happened at apocalypse.cloud,

208

that incident destroyed me.

209

In ways that I didn't expect.

210

But it was because I let my priorities change.

211

I turned the work into me.

212

So that incident was me.

213

I was the potato incident.

214

I was the problem.

215

And shortly after when everything disappeared,

216

my work and even the people I thought were friends,

217

and I wasn't deemed useful by any place or anyone,

218

and I sat alone on that couch with Kevin's pee stains.

219

Well, listener, I think that's why I hit rock bottom.

220

I wasn't Tog anymore.

221

I didn't have my own values anymore.

222

And I definitely listened to the irrelevant takes

223

and personal attacks on the potatoes as hot takes on Tog.

224

But everything I tried on my way off of rock bottom,

225

the things that I told you about in all these shows

226

from the Sourdough Starter Company

227

to the Grackleton Gazette,

228

all of that was me coming back

229

to what was important to Tog.

230

It brought me back to what I was looking for

231

when I was young.

232

The things in that box.

233

I guess the things that were still in me after all.

234

Oh, shoot, it's time for the weather.

235

♪ I'm drivin' ♪

236

Tonight's weather for your drive at five

237

with Un-Fuck Your Life is brought to you

238

by Doreen's Olive Hollow,

239

where we stuff that olive's hollow

240

with everything and anything,

241

as long as it isn't a pimiento.

242

Okay.

243

♪ Get ready for the weather ♪

244

Tonight, Grackleton is expecting a sunset at 8.04 p.m.

245

That's not the weather though.

246

Oh, oh, it will be overcast at 8.04 p.m.

247

♪ You just learned all about the weather ♪

248

And that's it for the weather on your drive at five

249

from Doreen's Olive Hollow.

250

Pimiento enthusiasts are not welcome here.

251

If you like pimientos,

252

you'll be sent to Shane's Olive Shack instead,

253

where they prefer and condone

254

the vile and off-putting pimiento.

255

Is this an attack ad?

256

♪ Un-fuck your life with Tog Chesterfield ♪

257

♪ Un-fuck your life with Tog Chesterfield ♪

258

So listener, I understood what I valued when I was young,

259

and I forgot it when I was working in my career.

260

And for a while there, I let the hardship win.

261

I let sitting on the couch win.

262

And when it seemed like the whole world was telling me

263

I didn't have any value left, I believed it.

264

But eventually, I faced that thing

265

I thought the world was telling me,

266

and I realized it was kind of a lie.

267

Just like when my brain was telling me lies

268

about all that feedback I was getting

269

about the Grackleton Gazette

270

that I told you about last show.

271

Oh, this feedback is all you.

272

You, Tog, it's you.

273

I mean, what are the emails?

274

So, listener, one of the messages

275

I got about the Gazette, it said,

276

Oh, Tog, Dennis, Dennis here.

277

You know, you know, Tog, that might be true.

278

Actually, I would do something a lot better than this.

279

It sounded kind of mean, but I realized something.

280

If I had a year left,

281

the Grackleton Gazette is what I would do.

282

And I wouldn't be at apocalypse.cloud

283

if I didn't have time left.

284

I don't want to get to old age or even next year

285

and look back and realize that I didn't really like my job,

286

I didn't like my life, and no one cared about Tog.

287

Just what I could do for them

288

when I happened to be around, I guess.

289

Being productive is choosing to move on.

290

It's wanting to do the thing

291

and then to spend your time doing that thing.

292

You might not get to make this choice for everything,

293

I know that, but you sure can make it

294

for a lot of the things in your life.

295

And if that's true, that part at least,

296

you own your life instead of the other way around.

297

Actually, I should probably tell all of you

298

about the potato incident now.

299

Oh, oh, line one is ringing again.

300

Okay, I'm just gonna answer it here.

301

Hello, caller, you're on the air with Fuck Your Life

302

with Tog Chesterfield.

303

Hey, Tog, it's Parker.

304

Oh, Parker, Parker, are you here at home?

305

I'm next door, I didn't know if I should come in

306

or if I, I didn't want to bother you, you know.

307

That's right, you're the only conscientious roommate

308

that I've had, no offense to my prior roommates.

309

Nice to hear you, welcome to the show.

310

Oh, we're, oh, good, oh, hi, everybody.

311

I feel like I'm famous now.

312

Well, famous in Grackleton.

313

Yeah, I had fun, I just wanted to stop by

314

because I had just come home and I would tell you,

315

I had fun cleaning out the closet, that was amazing.

316

My goodness, thank you so much for your help, Parker.

317

I mean, that was a big job and a lot of clearing out.

318

I didn't realize I'd kept so many things.

319

I don't know, the old bottle of Goldschlager that we found.

320

That was crazy.

321

That was, that was pretty wild.

322

I know, I know, I mean, it was mostly dehydrated,

323

but, you know, it's been a lot of years.

324

It has little pieces of gold.

325

I was thinking about turning it

326

into like a golden henna tattoo, a little side, I know.

327

That is such a good idea, you should do it, yeah.

328

I kind of did.

329

You did?

330

Yeah, I'm gonna need your help when I get out.

331

When you get out, I used the super glue you had

332

and I poured the Goldschlager on top of it.

333

There was still a little bit of liquid

334

and I think that the alcohol and the gold

335

must have had some kind of a reaction

336

because there's a symbol now glowing on my hand.

337

Oh my goodness, well, what does the symbol look like?

338

It looks like a rune,

339

but it could just be the way that the super glue hit my hand.

340

Yeah, well that, I mean, I'm hoping

341

that the super glue wasn't all that toxic.

342

It's okay, I mean, it only hurts a little.

343

Seven out of 10.

344

Yeah, seven out of 10.

345

Parker, you seem very used to a lot of pain.

346

Yeah, no, I'm good.

347

I'm constantly, you know, when your dad owned a pencil factory,

348

you're used to getting a little bit of lead in your fingers.

349

A little bit of lead in your fingers, oh wow.

350

Listen, I just wanted to tell you that Scott loves it here.

351

Yeah, I love Scott being here.

352

He told me the other day that it was perfect.

353

I just, I got that because he's a cat and it's like a pun.

354

I like a good pun.

355

He didn't really say that.

356

Oh, really?

357

He can't speak, he's a cat.

358

Right, yes, of course.

359

I just wanted to tell you.

360

So, but I was trying to tell you that I think it's perfect.

361

Oh, I see.

362

Yeah, thank you for clarifying.

363

I take things pretty literally a lot of the time.

364

No, no, no, that is okay.

365

And I don't know how to say this.

366

I hope it's not overstepping bounds, but I...

367

Okay, Parker, just say it.

368

I'd like to sign a one-year lease.

369

Wow.

370

You don't have to.

371

No, no, I would.

372

I mean, I've just never had a roommate that's stayed more than two weeks in a row.

373

And I mean, I was already so excited that you're still here.

374

And I just, a whole year, a whole year here with me.

375

I mean, yeah, I'm not leaving Crackleton anytime soon.

376

Crackleton's great.

377

Yeah, I would, Parker, I would love that.

378

I will absolutely draw up the papers for a one-year lease.

379

I'm so excited.

380

And you and Scott living here, that's going to be great.

381

That's amazing.

382

Okay, I'm going to run.

383

I'm going to get my VCR out of storage.

384

Oh, okay.

385

Yeah, I thought we could watch...

386

There was a film from the late 80s called Mixed Nuts with Michael Keaton.

387

I've heard a great thing.

388

I've heard of it, but I've never watched it.

389

It's amazing.

390

Parker, would you mind if I maybe, I made some mashed potatoes with pepper gravy for

391

eating while watching Mixed Nuts?

392

You are speaking my language, Tuhake.

393

When I was young, when I went over to my grandmother's house, we used to have solstice

394

parties, and she would put on Columbo and make mashed potatoes with pepper gravy.

395

And I used to sneak some of my grandfather's pipe tobacco, mix it into the mashed potatoes.

396

I don't do it anymore.

397

Yeah, that would be a little bit sacrilegious.

398

Yeah, but I would, it sounds perfect.

399

Oh, that's wonderful.

400

And if you'd like, you can help me with the potatoes.

401

You could touch the potatoes and help me prepare the potatoes if you'd like.

402

But you said I couldn't touch the potatoes.

403

Yeah, but you know what, Parker?

404

I would be fine with you helping me with the potatoes and touching them.

405

I'm going to go get my VCR.

406

Okay.

407

I don't even know what to do.

408

Okay.

409

I'll see you in like half an hour.

410

Okay, in a half an hour.

411

Bye, Parker.

412

I'll meet you in the kitchen.

413

Bye.

414

Okay.

415

Bye.

416

So that's all the time we have for this week's episode of the show here on 101.7 FM The Grack.

417

I'll have to tell you about the potato incident next show.

418

But first, stay tuned for the Gumboots and, oh no, Gumboots plus Shorts show.

419

Marion Dunk and Richard Dunkton share fashion advice appropriate for

420

when you're not too sure what season it is.

421

Oh, well, I'd wear that any time of year.

422

You have been listening to Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield, a Stereo Forest production.

423

This episode was written, directed, edited, and produced by Janda Han.

424

This episode features the voices of Adam, Don Fawcett, and Janda Han.

425

You can find all of our shows, show notes, transcripts,

426

and sign up to get notified about new episodes at StereoForest.com.